SPIRITED WOMAN Q & A with NANCI CHRISTOPHER
Interviewed by Nancy Mills, Founder/ www.thespiritedwoman.com/January2008newsletter
For years, I've been friends with Christi Crowe, a PR marketing dynamo. When she says, "Nancy you must meet this person!" - it's usually because they are fantastic, spirited, one of a kind, extraordinary. Need I say more?
Enter her friend Nanci Christopher - she is all of the above and more. The back story: Nanci is a successful actress living in Los Angeles. For years she wanted to find Mr. Right. Get married. For years she wanted to be a mom. By the time she was 40, Mr. Right didn't appear, but her passionate yearning for a child never left. Nanci decided to adopt a child. That's when her true journey began.
I was privileged to gain insight into that journey, when a few weeks ago, I saw Nanci perform in her one woman show "And Baby Makes Two...an Adoption Tale." Written from her heart (maybe even deeper) it is all about her long, funny, sad, frustrating road to adopt her precious son Joshua, who is now eight. I sat there and cried and laughed, and felt that this woman was beyond brave. She was on a mission of love - one that she accomplished. I'll never forget that night.
There are thousands and thousands of single moms by choice. Nanci is one of many, but her persistence stands out. I urge you to read her story. Here's looking at you kid.
Q. How old were you when you knew you wanted to be a mother?
A. I think I always wanted to be a mother even when I was a little girl. I dreamed of it and certainly had plan A in mind - you fall in love, you get married, you have a great honeymoon, great sex, you get pregnant and then you have a baby. It didn't work out.
Q. Why did you decide to adopt as a single mother?
A. A prince had not shown up. I had a lot of frogs. Couple of them wanted to marry me. One I seriously considered - but I really knew these were not the right men for me. And I kept waiting. I thought he was going to show up. I got into my late 30's and he wasn't there. So what was I going to do? It was obvious that I wasn't getting married, at least right now, but I still wanted to be a mom and I wasn't going to give that up too because that would be so depressing. I started looking into what options were available. I decided adoption was the best choice for me personally.
Q. Did you think adopting a child would be as difficult as it turned out to be for you?
A. No. I had no idea. I didn't know anything about adoption. I went into it blind like most other people. I researched international adoption. I researched domestic adoption. And insemination. Everything available. But you can't possibly know what the process is going to be until you're in it. And having grown up the way that I did, I wasn't exposed to certain elements of society. Of life. I was fairly sheltered. I had no idea.
Q. Tell us about some of the struggles you had, which is what your play is about.
A. You start the process. You put yourself out there. Your attorney refers people to you and you start talking to these women, most of them very young, and they tell you about their lives and their lives are just out of a TV movie. It's hard to understand. These girls are struggling. Some are more honest than others. My first experience was with this girl Christy who lied about her drug use. On my way to Milwaukee her baby was born, and I found out he was addicted to cocaine. I didn't adopt the baby. Then, I went back into the process and had an experience with Marie. Her baby Austen was born very sick and died. I spent a year after Austen died just really not dealing with anything. Then I was led to Elizabeth in Tulsa, OK. She called my attorney six weeks before her due date, everything worked out and I adopted Joshua.
Q. What's it been like raising him alone - financially and every which way?
A. Financially I am in a very fortunate position. I have money that I invested years ago and that I've protected so that I can pay my basic bills without worry. I have a big advantage over other people that might undertake this, because it is financially draining to be a parent no matter what your circumstances are - it costs a lot of money to raise a child. What happens is that you rearrange your priorities. I have a finite amount of money. You stop doing certain things for yourself because your child requires certain things. The choice is do I do this for me or do I do this for my child? I treat myself to certain things because I need to take care of myself. I am of the belief that if a human being does not take care of themselves first, they are of no service to anyone else.
Q. You maintained a relationship with Joshua's birth mom, tell us that story.
A. I did an open adoption and what that means is - you know who the birth parents are and the birth parents know who you are. You kind of choose each other. After the baby is born it is really up to you to determine what kind of relationship you will have as years go on. Because of who Elizabeth was I wanted to maintain contact and so did she. It wasn't constant or anything, but present. I have always been very grateful for that because it allowed Joshua to know who she was, how important she was to both of us. We owe her a lot. Very sadly, she passed away almost a year ago. She had liver disease that she was born with. When you are poor and you have no medical insurance you don't shoot to the top of the transplant list.
Q. What do you believe is the underlying message of your play?
A. Hope and faith. And that your never let anybody else determine how you live your life. You make that choice. You go after what you want and you don't let anyone or any statistic tell you, you can't have what you want.
Q. What advice do you have for any woman thinking about adopting a child?
A. Go for it. It will be the best thing you ever did. My life has been altered in a way that is so wondrous and so magical. It's so empowering. I live my life everyday grateful for the blessing of my child and the joy that he brings to my life. Even when I am “psycho mom” I laugh everyday with him. It's still fun.
Q. Nanci, why do you feel that you are a Spirited Woman?
A. Because I'm passionate. I won't do anything that I am not passionate about. And I believe finally in myself and I believe in other people. And I want to see other people succeed. It is not just my own success that makes me happy, but I'm happy for a stranger to succeed too because I think it puts out great energy into the world. And I'm ballsy. I'll put it out there. You don't have to respond to it, but I'll put it out there.
THANK YOU NANCI FOR BEING BRAVE AND ADOPTING YOUR HEART.
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Nanci truly welcomes hearing from you. She can be reached via email at: skaterqueen7@gmail.com or check out her new website: http://www.andbabymakestwo-anadoptiontale.com